tl;cr meme

[marriagebroker]

post your character, people reply, give them the deets. you know how this goes.

Comments

3/3

[ordimame]

And honestly, If Rom hadn't proven himself to be someone with good advice and counsel, Edamura might not have opened up at all in that thread. But after their ghost talks, he did feel like Rom was a pretty safe person with whom he could share a tiny piece of his genuine heart. And that's why, for the very first time in two weeks, he decided to let down his guard just a little bit to be more open about how he truly felt about romance and falling in love. Which was, of course: not great! His life experiences meant that he had a really cynical view on romance, that he didn't believe such cute and idealistic notions were actually meant for him, no matter what he may have said. His honesty was rewarded with Rom sharing a piece of himself too, and I think it really took him off guard how thoroughly Rom believed that he was simply not meant to share that kind of connection with someone. The idea that Rom was "unsuited" for romance never sat right with him, not even after he figured out exactly how horrifying Rom's ghost sight really was. And after two weeks of watching this guy, this HUGE pain in the neck, still take moments to sit down with him and help him through some rough moments. . . Edamura just. Felt like it wasn't really fair, that Rom had to carry so much on his shoulders with no one there to help him manage. It was the first time that Edamura felt a sense of. . . hm. Protectiveness, almost? The desire to simply be there for someone for no other reason than to exist in their space and help them navigate the hardships of life. And that's where the thought of, "you are unsuited for this, you just have baggage, and someone out there is willing to help you carry it." IN THE BACK OF HIS MIND I DO THINK EDAMURA WAS THINKING. . . that he could be that someone. But because at that point he had not yet been socked in the face with genuine feelings, it was not something he could voice aloud. It was not something he even knew how to voice aloud at that point in time.

I think Edamura went into week three definitely feeling something more than just simple friendship for Rom. But because of the nature of their relationship-- the back and forth they had where Rom teased Edamura and he responded by RUFFLING HIM (GENTLY) in return-- he was always going to need some kind of punch in the face to clock it in character. UNFORTUNATELY, Edamura's naively idealistic "type" does not align with the things that he actually wants or needs in a partner; I said it on his love survey, but his actual type is someone who does bully him! Someone who isn't "normal," who is willing to take risks, who is willing to push him out of his comfort zone. But because of his stupid fussiness, finding himself interested in that type came with the risk of very heavy denial. FORTUNATELY HE NEVER GOT TO THE DENIAL POINT WITH ROM. . . and I think it's because Rom's genuine kindness overshadowed his smug, obnoxious bullying in Edamura's mind (I make comparisons between Rom and Laurent, but truthfully Rom is 100000x better for Edamura in every way possible b/c he is not nearly as manipulative as Laurent is rofl). DOUBLE FORTUNATELY, week three is also when they went to the arcade, and thus is when Edamura did get a little punch to the face in the form of that so-called spark he said he didn't believe in.

The omamori truly was the moment where things started clicking into place for Edmaura. I JOKED ABOUT GAY PANIC WHILE WRITING THE THREAD, but no. That's what it was. 100%. And it seems like such a small, innocuous thing, especially since Rom had gone out of his way to be kind to Edamura in the weeks prior. But. . . Edamura comes from a world where people only give things if they expect to get something in return. That is the life of a con artist! He himself operates by this notion, even if he didn't bring it with him to AYTO. So Rom going out of his way to slip Edamura an omamori to keep him safe from the wayward spirits haunting the arcade without expecting anything in return was very ?! for him. It threw him completely off guard. Like, yes, Rom joked about making Edamura pay for half of it, but at that point he knew that Rom's sleazy salesmanship was just for show. And in that moment, Edamura truly couldn't think of a time where anyone (other than his mother) had gone out of their way to try and protect him. To keep him safe, even against the dangers that he could not see. Rom leaning so far into his personal space definitely helped (since he was already feeling some kind of way, physical proximity was always going to garner some kind of reaction from him), but it truly was the gift itself that completely altered the way he was looking at Rom. At the time he tried to blame it on the presence of spirits making him nervous! But as the week went on, as they spent more time together, as he ONCE AGAIN got all up in arms about the thought of Rom doing dangerous things all alone (see: hot springs thread), as he started to slowly realize that he truly did want to carve out a spot for himself in Rom's life, it got. . . harder and harder to pretend like that moment of heart-pounding emotion was just anxiety over being haunted.

So by the time the match ceremony rolled around, Edamura was pretty sure he was feeling some kind of non-platonic way about Rom. But he also thought, via his own really stupid over-fraught logic, that Maya was his perfect match. And since they hadn't tested Maya and Aventurine at the truth booth, and because they were safe due to Nico and Verso being a confirmed pair, he thought the match ceremony would be a good time to test it! But due to aforementioned non-platonic feelings, he felt a little torn on what he actually watend to do. Which is why he didn't stick around for the match ceremony discussion; he knew that Ringo would be there to help them with the math behind their pairings, and while he knew that math was important, he also just. . . didn't really want to hear it. Not when he was torn between making what he thought was a logical choice for his match, and actually saying something (being brave, to loop it back to Ringo) with his decision. And honestly! Before his post-TB threads, he was leaning more towards the former! For the sake of everyone's wishes! But then Rom brought up the possibility that they could be matched per Ringo's math, and, Edamura like. Had a moment of "WOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL SOME KIND OF WAY (POS), BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT, LET'S CONCEAL DON'T FEEL" which is why he kind of shut down at first and then turned it back on Rom to ask what he thought about their "statistical probability." And then Rom gave his perfectly calculated and logical reply, and Edamura was just like.

This guy. This fucking guy.

. . . and it was that perfectly logically reasoned response that made him realize he did not give two shits about the math! That he did not care about statistical probability. That he really did want to use his last match ceremony choice to make a statement. To actually say something, and have it mean something. It was not Ringo's math that pushed him into picking Rom that week. It genuinely was because he wanted to! And after three weeks of holding himself back, of erecting this carefully maintained wall between himself and most of the other contestants, he found himself wanting to be a li'l brave and kind of. . . let it down a bit.

And Rom responding to Edamura's resolve by saying he hoped that Edamara was called up first so he could choose Rom, instead of vice versa, is what completely solidified those not-entirely-platonic feelings into something deeply romantic. Because Edamura has been conned by others his entire life-- first by his father, then by Laurent and his team. . . a lot of the decisions he has made were the result of subtle manipulation, and he knows it! So to have someone look at him, to see his resolve, and basically say, "you've got this, I want you to make this choice" just. Meant sooooo goddamn much to him. Being able to make a decision that was 100% his own and not anyone else's is truly what he needed that week, though I do think even if Rom had gone up first, he still would have been just as happy. And it truly was a novel experience for him, to stand up in front of a small crowd of people and speak from his genuine heart, and not the clever conman who knows exactly what words will captivate a room. And he really was nervous about it! Because he truly had no idea how Rom would react to the things he wanted to say, even if he had a slight inkling it would be reciprocated just from their conversation the night before. But in a way, it was also very freeing for him to finally stop. . . overthinking, and just let himself follow the tug of his own heart.

I think it's pretty narratively appropriate that the moment Edamura finally stopped being fussy about his match is the moment he realized exactly who it was, and why. He chose Rom that match ceremony not quite believing in Ringo's math, so when the lights all but confirmed it, he was pretty surprised! But pleasantly so! And it says a lot about how he was feeling about Rom in that moment that he did not care to explain why it was them (though he certainly could have). He just knew that it was, and that was enough. Kind of like how picking Rom at the ceremony just because he wanted to was enough! I truly cannot overstate the sense of peace and contentment and confidence he had in the wake of that ceremony, not only because he was finally honest with himself about what he wanted, but because what he wanted was also what the show had given him. And while he knew logically that there was no point in caring what their official matches were if their hearts were drawn in different directions, he still thought it was kind of a nice, romantic notion that he and Rom were paired together all along, and he was just too stupid (read: anxious) to see it.

Week four was a lot of him stumbling through the first few steps of a new relationship. Testing out what felt right for the two of them! A lot of the teasing he got early week four kind of brought back a bit of his fluster (see: WWX calling them "lovers") because he truly had. No idea what he and Rom were supposed to be. And that didn't bother him too terribly much, because he sort of felt like the slower, more purposeful pace worked for them both? After all, Rom was an exorcist who kept himself sequestered from most of society due to the dangers of his work, and Edamura was an extremely guarded con man who lied to everyone around him for a living. It made sense to him that he and Rom were both a little slower to open up to the idea of an actual relationship!! And for him it was kind of better that way, since moving too quickly could have easily spooked him. EXCEPT. . . then they moved fast anyway because they paid a visit to the BBR, and Edamura was reminded of that calm contentedness he felt after the match ceremony. . . which made him way more open to the idea of physical intimacy in spite of all of the heckling the rest of the contestants (READ: POPPY) had given him. But that worked out well for them too, because despite his comfort with not putting a label on anything, it did make him actually think about it! Which is why he even brought up the idea of being "lovers" in the first place. I don't think he brought it up expecting Rom to agree to the idea, nor did he expect to walk away from that conversation with any kind of label for whatever their relationship was. Rom had said "I'll try" in response because he knew that his work would always be some kind of wedge between them. Edamura said "I'll try" because he knew that despite the strides he had made over the course of four weeks that he was still a pretty damaged person. But I think! "I'll try" is exactly what he wanted, because it meant that the both of them would be taking the next few steps into life after AYTO together. And that was pretty meaningful to him!

Slight tangent: speaking of being a damaged person, Rom is the only one who really got to see exactly how deep that damage runs, rofl. He didn't get all of it (the incident on the ship with Edamura's father only scratches the surface if you can believe it), but that was still a pretty important conversation, since a lot of it was Edamura admitting to feelings that he had neeeever spoken aloud. Working through the anger and bitterness that he is trying so hard to let go! Rom handled it all like a champ as always. Talking about the way his parents abandoned him and how deeply he cared for Towako-san and his master also let Edamura carry a bit of his baggage, and that exchange helped Edamura feel extremely comfortable with the idea of "baggage for baggage" that he had proposed at the match ceremony.

THIS IS SO LONG BUT TL;CR. . . Edamura would die for Rom, the end. Just kidding he won't actually, he is going to use his wish to make himself useful to Rom so he can help even in the most dangerous of situations. His biggest desire at the end of the game is to just be there for Rom in a way no one else has. To give him something to lean on when things get hard! To simply exist in the same space together, whether it is starting a joint business venture together (genuinely excited for that) or just. . . going out on silly dates (also genuinely excited for that). He has a lot of hope for their future and is pretty eager to experience a ton of firsts together! Rom means the world to him, and I truly love the development from "god this guy annoys me" to "god I would do anything for this man" because it is the best kind of ship development for a character like Edamura.