perfectmatch | week three

[a man of many talents indeed!!]

[on the bright side, despite his lack of experience in driving heavy machinery, the boat itself is intuitive enough. he kicks the engine on with a simple push of a button, before gently pressing the gas pedal and slowly edging them out to the middle of the lake. AT LEAST HE IS CAUTIOUS!!]

. . . try not to fall over the edge as we go!

Don't worry about me- Woah!

[Okay they're not driving off at a blazing speed, but it's still a bit surprising. He laughs, and the sound trails off behing them, lost in the sound of the engine and the disturbed water in their wake.]

I'm a great swimmer!

Good to know!

[calling out over the gentle rumble of the boat's motor. it will take them a bit to get to the center of the lake at this pace, but they can at least chat as they go]

. . . how are you feeling today, Verso?

[He settles more comfortable into his seat. The breeze is nice; it's hard to be in a listless mood on a date like this.]

Ah... I feel all right today.

[Though perhaps that's because he's mentally steeled himself to be brave this week, to take advantage of his time on this show to be more honest with those around him. He's realized that regrets are the last thing he wants to leave in his wake; he's already done that well enough back home.

But.

These are courageous thoughts to have in the moment. When the time comes, he knows the anxiety will take root again, but he'll deal with it when that happens. Maybe.]

Sorry if I've made... people worry. That was never my intention.

[Edamura gives a small shake of his head, though he is careful not to take his eyes off of the lake beyond. there will be no accidentally running into obstacles, here]

Maybe not. . . but I'd say it's okay. It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind.

[offering a small smile]

Is it just about the show? Or. . . things from home?

[It's a smooth ride. Edamura's definitely a better driver than Maya.

His gaze falls upon the water.]

A bit of both? To be frank with you, Edamura, I've been lying to everyone about the kind of person I am. It's made me feel... guilty, undeserving of being here. But I was never here for myself, anyway, just my wish.

[For Maelle.]

Even so, I've realized it's not fair to all of you, pretending to be someone I'm not. I want to leave this place feeling like the friendships I've made, even if they aren't romantic, are genuine.

[. . . . . . ah]

[Verso can't see it from this angle, but neutrality shutters Edamura's features as he listens. that's something to which he can relate. everything he has done upon arrival has been genuine, but. . . without understanding a very key piece of his life, how can anyone here really know him. . .?]

[. . .]

I think now is as good of a time as nay to come clean.

[he tilts his head over his shoulder, that neutrality replaced with a genuine smile]

It's okay. I bet you're not nearly as undeserving as you think you are.

[No, from this angle, he can't see that shift; he has no reason to not believe what he says next, either, because Verso quite means it.]

That's because you're a kind person, Edamura.

[Someone who gives him that kind of grace, trusts him unflaggingly that he's better than he gives himself credit for. Well. As the lake greets them with its open waters, Verso considers what he wants to say next. How to unveil the truth.]

Remember when you told me that... you felt tired, too?

[ah. . . kind. . .]

[. . .]

[a deep inhale, and Edamura pushes aside those conflicting feelings to respond to Verso's question instead. his response is quiet. wistful, but gneuine]

I do.

[and he had certainly meant it. his life prior to coming on the show had been exhausting, and a large part of him was ready to give it up. to truly settle down and live the rest of his life as an honest, average, ordinary citizen]

[. . .]

[he just knows. . . another large part of him wants so desperately to cling to the thrill of adventure. but. . . that's an inner conflict for another time, isn't it?]

Do you still feel that way?

[Though oblivious to Edamura's deeper conflict, Verso brings it up because he knows he can empathize.]

I think, in some ways, I always will. But back home, I had a chance to seize that rest, and...

[He sighs, feeling heavy.]

I acted selfishly to have it. I hurt others in a way that can't be undone. And I know it was wrong of me to have made that decision, but... I don't think I'd change anything. Even now.

[This is what he meant when he said... he wasn't being truthful about the kind of person he is.]

[the boat comes to a slow stop in the center of the lake, with Edamura shutting off the engine, leaving nothing but the sounds of gently rolling water and the nearby birds to permeate the silence. he turns around in the driver's seat, hooking his chin against the headrest as both arms dangle loosely across the back. there is nothing judgmental in his smile. only something quiet and understanding]

. . . I guess it's not great that other people were hurt. That's something you can't change.

[he doesn't ask for specifics. he wants to, but. . . he doesn't. it's Verso's choice whether to share or not]

But we all make pretty bad decisions sometimes. [goodness knows he has] Especially when it comes to our own self-preservation.

[. . .]

I definitely don't have the right to judge someone for it.

[Edamura's kindness is soothing, as always. Verso doesn't feel pressured to talk about himself, and this, combined with the promise that he'd be more honest, makes him want to. It's the little push he needs.

Even if he does start fussing with their food packed nearby, sorting all of it out for their meal. His attention focused upon an action.]

Yeah. I- Um. My world isn't something I can... return to, if that gives you an idea.

[Of what he did. Of what awaits him to have achieved that rest: nothing at all.]

Do you still feel that way, knowing that? [That he doesn't have the right to judge Verso for that decision.]

[admittedly. . .? he doesn't have any idea what Verso means. beyond the fact that perhaps he is a wanted man. . .? unable to find solace in a world that wishes him dead? Edamura shakes his head in response, before pushing away from the boat's driver's seat to help unpack their meal]

Without knowing what you mean by that, I do.

[brief hesitation as he pulls the bottle of wine out of the basket again, setting it aside while he searches for a few (plastic. . . ) glasses and an opener]

. . . but even if I did know, I can't imagine my opinion changing.

[after all. . . he's done some pretty horrible things, too. willingly distorting himself into a wicked, cruel monster. . . all in order to endear himself to one much larger than he, just so he could gut her from the inside out]

Do you want to know what a really good friend of mine once told me?

[The plastic glasses will just have to do.

Edamura's opinion seems unflagging, and maybe that's unfair on Verso's part, without having divulged all the information. But he still takes comfort in his assurances — and maybe that's selfish of him, too.

He helps him unpack, looking down at the food as he replies.]

Sure.

"Betray whoever you want to betray."

[he recounts, his words perfectly even. there is a small pause before he pops the cork off of their wine and begins pouring them both a small glass]

"But forgive yourself afterwards."

[Verso's quiet, watching the glasses fill.

Forgiving himself afterwards...]

And have you managed it?

[To have gotten that advice, he must've felt guilt that ate away at him, to some degree.]

. . . it's still a work in progress.

[he admits, voice soft]

But I've taken the first few steps. And forgiving myself means. . . it's also a little easier to start forgiving others.

[ ...

Edamura... he really shares a lot of similar issues with this man, doesn't he? If not in specifics, then at the heart of the matter. The tiredness, the guilt, the wanting to rest.

And perhaps...]

These four weeks have done us both good, hasn't it?

[. . . boy. have they been? this is something he will be able to answer with an emphatic "yes" come match ceremony. but for now. . . he has to sit on it, turning the thought over in his mind as he hands Verso a plastic cup of wine]

In all honesty, I don't know. For me, I mean.

. . . but I hope they have.

week three | dates

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