perfectmatch | week three

[No, from this angle, he can't see that shift; he has no reason to not believe what he says next, either, because Verso quite means it.]

That's because you're a kind person, Edamura.

[Someone who gives him that kind of grace, trusts him unflaggingly that he's better than he gives himself credit for. Well. As the lake greets them with its open waters, Verso considers what he wants to say next. How to unveil the truth.]

Remember when you told me that... you felt tired, too?

[ah. . . kind. . .]

[. . .]

[a deep inhale, and Edamura pushes aside those conflicting feelings to respond to Verso's question instead. his response is quiet. wistful, but gneuine]

I do.

[and he had certainly meant it. his life prior to coming on the show had been exhausting, and a large part of him was ready to give it up. to truly settle down and live the rest of his life as an honest, average, ordinary citizen]

[. . .]

[he just knows. . . another large part of him wants so desperately to cling to the thrill of adventure. but. . . that's an inner conflict for another time, isn't it?]

Do you still feel that way?

[Though oblivious to Edamura's deeper conflict, Verso brings it up because he knows he can empathize.]

I think, in some ways, I always will. But back home, I had a chance to seize that rest, and...

[He sighs, feeling heavy.]

I acted selfishly to have it. I hurt others in a way that can't be undone. And I know it was wrong of me to have made that decision, but... I don't think I'd change anything. Even now.

[This is what he meant when he said... he wasn't being truthful about the kind of person he is.]

[the boat comes to a slow stop in the center of the lake, with Edamura shutting off the engine, leaving nothing but the sounds of gently rolling water and the nearby birds to permeate the silence. he turns around in the driver's seat, hooking his chin against the headrest as both arms dangle loosely across the back. there is nothing judgmental in his smile. only something quiet and understanding]

. . . I guess it's not great that other people were hurt. That's something you can't change.

[he doesn't ask for specifics. he wants to, but. . . he doesn't. it's Verso's choice whether to share or not]

But we all make pretty bad decisions sometimes. [goodness knows he has] Especially when it comes to our own self-preservation.

[. . .]

I definitely don't have the right to judge someone for it.

[Edamura's kindness is soothing, as always. Verso doesn't feel pressured to talk about himself, and this, combined with the promise that he'd be more honest, makes him want to. It's the little push he needs.

Even if he does start fussing with their food packed nearby, sorting all of it out for their meal. His attention focused upon an action.]

Yeah. I- Um. My world isn't something I can... return to, if that gives you an idea.

[Of what he did. Of what awaits him to have achieved that rest: nothing at all.]

Do you still feel that way, knowing that? [That he doesn't have the right to judge Verso for that decision.]

[admittedly. . .? he doesn't have any idea what Verso means. beyond the fact that perhaps he is a wanted man. . .? unable to find solace in a world that wishes him dead? Edamura shakes his head in response, before pushing away from the boat's driver's seat to help unpack their meal]

Without knowing what you mean by that, I do.

[brief hesitation as he pulls the bottle of wine out of the basket again, setting it aside while he searches for a few (plastic. . . ) glasses and an opener]

. . . but even if I did know, I can't imagine my opinion changing.

[after all. . . he's done some pretty horrible things, too. willingly distorting himself into a wicked, cruel monster. . . all in order to endear himself to one much larger than he, just so he could gut her from the inside out]

Do you want to know what a really good friend of mine once told me?

[The plastic glasses will just have to do.

Edamura's opinion seems unflagging, and maybe that's unfair on Verso's part, without having divulged all the information. But he still takes comfort in his assurances — and maybe that's selfish of him, too.

He helps him unpack, looking down at the food as he replies.]

Sure.

"Betray whoever you want to betray."

[he recounts, his words perfectly even. there is a small pause before he pops the cork off of their wine and begins pouring them both a small glass]

"But forgive yourself afterwards."

[Verso's quiet, watching the glasses fill.

Forgiving himself afterwards...]

And have you managed it?

[To have gotten that advice, he must've felt guilt that ate away at him, to some degree.]

. . . it's still a work in progress.

[he admits, voice soft]

But I've taken the first few steps. And forgiving myself means. . . it's also a little easier to start forgiving others.

[ ...

Edamura... he really shares a lot of similar issues with this man, doesn't he? If not in specifics, then at the heart of the matter. The tiredness, the guilt, the wanting to rest.

And perhaps...]

These four weeks have done us both good, hasn't it?

[. . . boy. have they been? this is something he will be able to answer with an emphatic "yes" come match ceremony. but for now. . . he has to sit on it, turning the thought over in his mind as he hands Verso a plastic cup of wine]

In all honesty, I don't know. For me, I mean.

. . . but I hope they have.

week three | dates

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