The star carried a strange substance... people changed into monsters. The destruction aside.
[ Her demeanor turns a little more serious, losing the whimsy and fantasy her tale had brought on previously. Still, though, she's able to tell him this without breaking down, without more than a somber quality tinging her voice. Verso had spoken of monsters before, and here, she lays bare her familiarity with it. ]
...I was the only survivor in the end, [ For whatever reason. Fate, luck, or just coincidence. Talking like this, she seems less like the energetic, outgoing fairy that's fluttered about the competition, and more like she's lived beyond her visual years. ] Me and the wisteria.
[He understands, then, why the mention of monsters in their very first meeting might have struck a chord, even if it was a well-hidden one on her part. To be changed into an awful creature, to have your own form overwritten to become something else — the very thought makes cold dread twist inside of him.
Still, this admission feels like peeking past her usual demeanor to see what lies beneath. That somberness, for which he can hardly blame her, and a moment in which she seems older than her years. Verso can only wonder if she's come to peace with her past, and her loss, or if it still gnaws at her when she's alone.]
I'm sorry. [He can imagine the destruction, but to experience a complete loss, all at once? It must be devastating.] I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been.
[And from that destruction, she still keeps her... wisteria? He doesn't quite understand.]
...You don't mean the same wisteria in the manor right now, do you?
[ She confirms it for him, knowing that it must seem mysterious for a tree of all things to be her fellow survivor in that apocalyptic event. Truth is, she doesn't understand all the specifics of it herself — she only knows her lived experience, and nothing about all the research that has happened in the last century about the star that fell, the substance that was embedded in it. ]
Where that substance turned others, it allowed the wisteria and I to survive. [ Or so it's been explained to her. In the actual moment, things had been so chaotic that she'd hardly made sense of why it was her that had lived, compared to all the others. ] I don't understand it fully, myself... but that substance, "mania," which was on the star... in the years following its fall, they've figured out that "mania" is capable of causing all sorts of supernatural phenomena.
[ Like giving people supernatural powers, turning them to monsters, or allowing survival where it shouldn't have been possible. ]
[A strange substance from the stars, dubbed "mania." The ability to change others into monsters, or extend lifespans, or to cause any manner of supernatural events — is this a fairytale, or a horror?
He shakes his head. Verso has forgotten all about his macaron at this point, and it remains half-eaten in his hand, balanced between forefinger and thumb.]
No. Well, yes, but that's not completely it.
[It is strange, he thought before, to have brought a tree to the show, but Verso had chalked it up to a keen sentimentality. Now, he has even more context, and while he wasn't wrong, now he wonders.]
...Why'd you bring it with you? To this show. I've noticed you're often there with it in the morning. Is it tied to you after what happened?
[ Hmm... he's asking all the right questions, isn't he? She can't help but want to reward him with the truth. Like him, her macarons have been forgotten on her plate, but for an entirely different reason. ]
Such a clever man you are. [ She laughs, but it sounds more genuine — less flirtatious and airy than her usual aura. ] After the star fell, the tree and I became inseparable... in the literal sense, and the metaphorical.
[ She links her hands, lacing her fingers together with elbows on the table. Only Odile knows the full truth, but now Verso will, as well. ]
A hundred years after, my health isn't very good, you see. While the tree has kept my physical body alive, I've been told I can't be taken out of it. My body is too corrupted, too fused to the tree itself... so I can only appear in front of all of you like this. Like a spirit, or a fairy.
[ The last bit is tacked on with a note of humor, trying to explain, in however a non-direct way, that the form in front of him isn't "real" the way he might think. And that's the heart of the matter — the Yingying they've all come to know, go on dates with, chat with, is something of an illusion, a projection. Tangible, yes, but not physical. It's why the macarons have gone untouched. ]
Rather than "why" I brought it, it's more that... I couldn't be here without it.
[It makes sense, really, when she says it like that. As though the pieces of the puzzle surrounding her mystery—when it comes to the tree, anyway—fall straight into place. What he's seeing is just a projection of her, with her physical body still fused to the tree back in the estate; his eyes flicker down to her macarons, which have been examined but not eaten, and that makes sense now, too.
But...
It still sounds like such a sad fate. He doubts Yingying needs his pity, but Verso's softie heart still goes out for her.]
Yingying...
[On top of all that, her health...?]
So then you might as well be the tree itself, in a way. [ ... ] Do you... suffer? As part of it?
In a sense, maybe... efforts towards my recovery haven't been successful.
[ But she doesn't want him to think she's spending everyday in agonizing pain — she isn't. There's just the looming threat of her life slipping through the roots, unable to sustain itself anymore. ]
It's lonely. A hundred years is a long time to spend in the shadow of the past. [ a beat. ] This competition is actually... the first time I've been able to talk with and spend time with so many people since the star fell.
[Then he can understand why this show would be so compelling to her.]
I spent a lot of time alone, too. Wildly different than your circumstances, but... I get it. It's nice to be here, with so many people. All of them so friendly and open.
[But that does make him wonder...]
Do you intend to use your wish to free yourself from it? The tree.
[ Her gaze wanders off, seemingly lost in thought. Honestly, she hasn't thought very hard about it, in a I didn't think I'd get this far type of way. Her base assumption, though? ]
I don't think so... what would be the use?
[ Uncharacteristically defeatist, maybe, but she really seems apathetic about the idea of a "future" of any kind for herself. Compared to how enthusiastically she seems to advocate for everyone else's wishes, the idea of using hers for her own gain doesn't seem attractive at all in her eyes. ]
So much time has passed that the world moved on without me.
[ She no longer speaks the language of the common folk, she doesn't understand modern technology, and most of all, she's far away from her homeland, with all the rites of her people destroyed. Even if she got out, what would she do? Only the competition sounded like fun, compared to her other option of sitting alone everyday. The idea of completely starting her life over is frightening — to a paralyzing, suffocating extent. To use the wish on herself for her recovery would be to commit to wiping her slate clean, and starting her life from scratch. ]
More than my recovery... I can't help feeling that another tragedy like the star falling might happen again. It's like I can sense it's going to happen. [ ..... ] If my wish could prevent something like that, I'd much rather it be used that way...
[So she's the same as him, hoping to use the wish for someone else's sake (or her world's safety) rather than her own. And Verso's not quite sure if that's good or bad, for in his case, it's a decision that underlines the belief that there's nothing left for oneself.
And he's fine with accepting his life has gone down that route, but for her? It's sad.]
...You know, I had this conversation with Wei Wuxian not too long ago. He said that I can see how the wish works by wishing for... both things. My sake, and someone else's. All that stands in the way is the will to do so.
[Finally, maybe because he's suddenly aware of part of this conversation peeling back the curtain on himself, he feels the need to do something with his hands. Verso pops the remnants of the macaron into his mouth.]
If that's what you want, to keep living, even in a world where time feels as though it's moved on. It might not be so bad. You'd make friends, just like you have now.
no subject
The star carried a strange substance... people changed into monsters. The destruction aside.
[ Her demeanor turns a little more serious, losing the whimsy and fantasy her tale had brought on previously. Still, though, she's able to tell him this without breaking down, without more than a somber quality tinging her voice. Verso had spoken of monsters before, and here, she lays bare her familiarity with it. ]
...I was the only survivor in the end, [ For whatever reason. Fate, luck, or just coincidence. Talking like this, she seems less like the energetic, outgoing fairy that's fluttered about the competition, and more like she's lived beyond her visual years. ] Me and the wisteria.
no subject
Still, this admission feels like peeking past her usual demeanor to see what lies beneath. That somberness, for which he can hardly blame her, and a moment in which she seems older than her years. Verso can only wonder if she's come to peace with her past, and her loss, or if it still gnaws at her when she's alone.]
I'm sorry. [He can imagine the destruction, but to experience a complete loss, all at once? It must be devastating.] I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been.
[And from that destruction, she still keeps her... wisteria? He doesn't quite understand.]
...You don't mean the same wisteria in the manor right now, do you?
no subject
[ She confirms it for him, knowing that it must seem mysterious for a tree of all things to be her fellow survivor in that apocalyptic event. Truth is, she doesn't understand all the specifics of it herself — she only knows her lived experience, and nothing about all the research that has happened in the last century about the star that fell, the substance that was embedded in it. ]
Where that substance turned others, it allowed the wisteria and I to survive. [ Or so it's been explained to her. In the actual moment, things had been so chaotic that she'd hardly made sense of why it was her that had lived, compared to all the others. ] I don't understand it fully, myself... but that substance, "mania," which was on the star... in the years following its fall, they've figured out that "mania" is capable of causing all sorts of supernatural phenomena.
[ Like giving people supernatural powers, turning them to monsters, or allowing survival where it shouldn't have been possible. ]
Are you surprised to hear its still alive?
no subject
He shakes his head. Verso has forgotten all about his macaron at this point, and it remains half-eaten in his hand, balanced between forefinger and thumb.]
No. Well, yes, but that's not completely it.
[It is strange, he thought before, to have brought a tree to the show, but Verso had chalked it up to a keen sentimentality. Now, he has even more context, and while he wasn't wrong, now he wonders.]
...Why'd you bring it with you? To this show. I've noticed you're often there with it in the morning. Is it tied to you after what happened?
no subject
Such a clever man you are. [ She laughs, but it sounds more genuine — less flirtatious and airy than her usual aura. ] After the star fell, the tree and I became inseparable... in the literal sense, and the metaphorical.
[ She links her hands, lacing her fingers together with elbows on the table. Only Odile knows the full truth, but now Verso will, as well. ]
A hundred years after, my health isn't very good, you see. While the tree has kept my physical body alive, I've been told I can't be taken out of it. My body is too corrupted, too fused to the tree itself... so I can only appear in front of all of you like this. Like a spirit, or a fairy.
[ The last bit is tacked on with a note of humor, trying to explain, in however a non-direct way, that the form in front of him isn't "real" the way he might think. And that's the heart of the matter — the Yingying they've all come to know, go on dates with, chat with, is something of an illusion, a projection. Tangible, yes, but not physical. It's why the macarons have gone untouched. ]
Rather than "why" I brought it, it's more that... I couldn't be here without it.
no subject
But...
It still sounds like such a sad fate. He doubts Yingying needs his pity, but Verso's softie heart still goes out for her.]
Yingying...
[On top of all that, her health...?]
So then you might as well be the tree itself, in a way. [ ... ] Do you... suffer? As part of it?
no subject
[ But she doesn't want him to think she's spending everyday in agonizing pain — she isn't. There's just the looming threat of her life slipping through the roots, unable to sustain itself anymore. ]
It's lonely. A hundred years is a long time to spend in the shadow of the past. [ a beat. ] This competition is actually... the first time I've been able to talk with and spend time with so many people since the star fell.
no subject
I spent a lot of time alone, too. Wildly different than your circumstances, but... I get it. It's nice to be here, with so many people. All of them so friendly and open.
[But that does make him wonder...]
Do you intend to use your wish to free yourself from it? The tree.
no subject
I don't think so... what would be the use?
[ Uncharacteristically defeatist, maybe, but she really seems apathetic about the idea of a "future" of any kind for herself. Compared to how enthusiastically she seems to advocate for everyone else's wishes, the idea of using hers for her own gain doesn't seem attractive at all in her eyes. ]
So much time has passed that the world moved on without me.
[ She no longer speaks the language of the common folk, she doesn't understand modern technology, and most of all, she's far away from her homeland, with all the rites of her people destroyed. Even if she got out, what would she do? Only the competition sounded like fun, compared to her other option of sitting alone everyday. The idea of completely starting her life over is frightening — to a paralyzing, suffocating extent. To use the wish on herself for her recovery would be to commit to wiping her slate clean, and starting her life from scratch. ]
More than my recovery... I can't help feeling that another tragedy like the star falling might happen again. It's like I can sense it's going to happen. [ ..... ] If my wish could prevent something like that, I'd much rather it be used that way...
no subject
And he's fine with accepting his life has gone down that route, but for her? It's sad.]
...You know, I had this conversation with Wei Wuxian not too long ago. He said that I can see how the wish works by wishing for... both things. My sake, and someone else's. All that stands in the way is the will to do so.
[Finally, maybe because he's suddenly aware of part of this conversation peeling back the curtain on himself, he feels the need to do something with his hands. Verso pops the remnants of the macaron into his mouth.]
If that's what you want, to keep living, even in a world where time feels as though it's moved on. It might not be so bad. You'd make friends, just like you have now.