tl;cr meme

[marriagebroker]

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[embellwish]

Except… In her mind… that was direct…………. yet sadly even though she felt she spelled it out for him he didn’t seem to get it?!! Like, she was expecting him to start getting way more flustered or to at least acknowledge what she had said… instead, their following date basically proceeded as usual, with not much change. That isn’t to say their date was bad… it was sweet; she was really happy to be at a festival and sort of relive what the fete used to be like with him. She still remembered that look he had given her on the first day they met – the yearning he also seemed to have for his homeland – so she first tried to find things similar to what he’d described of the food. In general, it was a nice time!! But from then, and other moments that week, it dawned on her gradually that what she thought had been a romantic, poetic confession on her part hadn’t exactly come across that way.


At her date with Luka that week, she opened up about seriously trying to pursue Yi Sang, and confided in him about how it didn’t seem to be working. Further than that, she expressed what she had also alluded to during her date with Yi Sang that week – that he was quite obedient and eager to please, seemingly always wanting to bend to her whims. It was at this point that she started to have doubts… was Yi Sang just going along, trying to make her happy? Would it be fair if she kept pursuing, and he felt pressured, however unknowingly, to just let her affections happen? He lacked agency, and had from the beginning… Luka suggested being as direct as possible with him, but she worried that doing that would force his hand – ergo, why she had tried to coax him to chase her a little, rather than come on too strong. She talked about it with Aventurine too at the hot springs since she agreed to answer any question he asked – and very similarly, she just implied, very playfully, that there wasn’t much progress despite what she saw as direct action from her end. Despite explaining this to others, it’s important to note that her feelings weren’t hurt – she’s not really the type to wallow or feel sad if her feelings perhaps aren’t returned…. after all, it was obvious that Yi Sang cared about her on some level. She’d be happy for that no matter what, even if he didn’t feel quite the same way she did. Yingying is quite mature about matters of the heart…

Thus, sharing secrets at the hot springs with him, in light of all this discussion, became a more playful affair than a flirtatious one – he was acting cute, stuttering and emoting a little more, and that didn’t go unnoticed by her. His secret was an adorable one…. all this time, she’d been trying to see that kind of embarrassed, flustered reaction out of him… who knew something as cute as a little calf had gotten it out… but it was fine, because his stuttering and embarrassment over just recalling the event was like a delicious treat, anyhow. Even if he continued to never pick up the bait she left out for him when flirting. She decided to be merciful and shift the focus to her own secret, since it was important information about her livelihood anyhow – but she could’ve guessed from 10 miles away that Yi Sang was going to offer up some of his energy for her to have as soon as he learned about it. He’s too empathetic and self-sacrificial… not to mention not good at taking care of himself. That’s why she refused pre-emptively, still concerned about the way he seemed to bend to her will too easily with not much regard for himself. Her overarching goal throughout the competition was to get him to speak his mind more openly, and to gain some confidence… everytime he offered things like this to her, it just felt like he was endlessly giving without any thought for himself, and she didn’t want to encourage that. Still, she could tell he was genuinely trying to help her, so she told him plainly that she was happy he thought of her to that extent… it probably made her heart quicken on the inside, as did his comment that he would return to the wisteria when she eventually disappeared. She was beginning to give up on the idea that he felt the same… but she couldn’t help but still be besotted, resigning herself to pining for him quietly.

I think that feeling only intensified at the following ceremony…. suddenly, Yi Sang seemed to blossom. He was smiling, and speaking so openly… and she had known, since before, that he and Odile seemed to share a special connection – that of intellectuals and scholars. At that moment, though she did pick up on the subtle hints to both herself and their other colleagues in his speech at the ceremony, she saw Odile as the one with the clearest view of him, the one who could get through to him in a way she couldn’t. I wouldn’t say ‘discouraged’ is the right word to describe what she felt… but more like yearning, like he was just out of her reach. She was happy, really genuinely happy, to see his smile. Yingying knew on some level she had helped guide him there… but I think then, she still felt a sense of distance between them, an inability to get closer despite her efforts – which was a sensation she’s never felt before in life. It was bittersweet in a way she’d never known.

But! As before, she is really mature about these things. After the ceremony, I think she had respectfully accepted that it was the right thing to stop pursuing him, and that it was far more important to be happy and proud over his progress as an individual. She treasured him a lot as a friend too – it wasn’t just the romance to her. When he approached her after the ceremony, she kept up her usual playful antics, deciding to start insinuating that there was something going on between him and Odile instead (there probably wasn’t, but if there was… maybe he would blush and get cutieful…). Imagine her surprise when all of the sudden he wanted to talk in private… because he’d just expressed how free he was feeling, she assumed that what he wanted to talk about might have been whatever had prompted the final step in his big change – perhaps a special talk with Odile, or some realization he had come upon.

Instead, he alluded to how all this time, he may have misunderstood her words and intentions. She knew she could have successfully played it off and gaslit him into believing she had no idea what he was talking about… but that would be cruel, she thought, after Yi Sang had finally worked up the courage to speak his mind to this extent. She would take rejection gracefully if it came – she certainly wasn’t expecting him to reciprocate then. His words seemed more of an apology, like he’d realized her feelings and felt badly that he hadn’t been aware, and she didn’t want him to feel badly! She understood that he had had an innocent desire to try to see her wishes granted – hence, all his efforts to do as she asked – and she didn’t blame him for taking her words the way he had. If anything, it was most important to communicate to him that her most central emotion after the ceremony had still been relief and joy, all because his heart finally seemed ready to connect and open with others. That, like she said, had been her biggest wish from the beginning – by comparison, wishing that he might return her feelings was minuscule. That wasn’t self-deprecation on her part… that was her earnest care for him as an individual outweighing her personal feelings.

It was hard to tell whether his apology was simply because he felt badly that her feelings might have been hurt… or because he meant to confess feelings of his own, so she treaded lightly from there, prepared to accept rejection honorably if it came.

But it didn’t…! It was poetically ironic that his own confession was so cliche on its face, and that it called back to those words she’d teased him with during spin the bottle, which were definitely meant to imitate something cheesily romantic someone would say. It had been over the top back then on purpose… but here, it took on a totally different tone. There was a sweetness and boyishness to the way he wielded that very same phrase, paired with the innocent kiss on her cheek. He had made them his own. With those few short words, he was able to set aside any doubts she had that he would simply let himself get swept up in her affections… the words truly were his own, simple and heartfelt like so much else he had said to her. In lieu of a different term, it had been the perfect thing to say to set her worries to rest. Everything spilled out of her then, all she had wanted to say to him directly – that she wanted to see him smile, and to learn everything about his past, present and future. All the things she felt she couldn’t say before, not wanting to unduly pressure him. As I mentioned then, she confessed to him the full breadth of her affection while hugging him close, as prior to the actual confession, she’d think about saying all this in a way where he wouldn’t have to worry about whether to look at her or avert his gaze… she wanted him to just hear what she was saying with every ounce of affection she’d pour into the words, without having to think about anything else.

Anyways……… from then on, their relationship became quite doting and sweet, lacking some of the tentativeness or growing pains that an early stage relationship might have. The depth of her affections ran deep already, and now that Yi Sang had put a name to the feeling in him, their love was a profound one, rather than a fledgling one. It transcended things like mere infatuation or attraction. Loving Yi Sang, to Yingying, was about so much more: home, belonging, purpose, and the self. It’s more than just a relationship, it’s about their lives and journeys, and being happy going forward. Like him, she is deeply sentimental. Naturally, their love is like that too, and it allowed for a smooth transition from being companions to being lovers.

As such, whether he had expanded upon his secret or not… she would’ve waited patiently, like with everything else, for him to tell her when he was ready. I think hearing directly from him the abuse that he had suffered at the hands of Gubo recontextualized a lot of his behavior and thought processes, especially in the earlier weeks of the game. Who wouldn’t be reserved and withdrawn after having their trust betrayed like that? It also made her feel that his love was all that more precious to hold in her hands; it was no small feat that Yi Sang had kept such a sweet and gentle disposition in the face of such cruelty, where lesser others would become jaded and distrusting. Looking back on all their threads, there were several times that Yingying seemed to pick up on the potential for Yi Sang to be manipulated… I think it really broke her heart to find out that someone had already capitalized on that. His decision to leave and walk his own path, even if he had to be alone, was weightier for it… through all that hurt, he had still found the strength to go on, and she admired him more than ever, realizing that. He might have seen it as a failing on his part, but she didn’t see it that way – not even in a like, ‘I’m an apologist’ way. Just that’s a real ass man!!! Principled…

Continuing to be together after the competition was a no-brainer for her, and she had an inkling he would feel the same, but especially in light of what he’d just shared, she didn’t want to influence his decision in any way… from that moment on (and before), she wanted to protect and keep nurturing the agency he’d started to reclaim throughout the competition. She was elated, then, that he (finally!) could reach out and choose her, to see a future with her when not so long ago, neither of them saw much of a life ahead of themselves, apathetic to the idea of starting anew. Their love is very ‘saving each other’ energy. Yi Sang reminded her what it felt like to be cared for again, and she reminded him how to keep moving forward… they give each other hope, they really do.

She wouldn’t have dreamed of first touching anyone but him once her wish was granted… he was the one that had stayed by the wisteria’s side. He was the one she knew would still find beauty in her, no matter how her wish turned out. That’s the kind of love she’d only ever dreamed of having… in her event, her moms’ spirits note that what Yinging yearns for is a lifelong connection, and she feels she has that with Yi Sang. Dramatic maybe to think after four weeks, but her life has been an arduous and lonely one – four weeks of building this connection with him felt like a lifetime compared to the century of isolation she’d endured prior. From her perspective, their love is that world shattering and monumental. She felt more loved and cherished in those four weeks than she had since before the fall of the star. He’s really the love of her life.

Post the competition, she’s slowly phased out of calling anyone sweetheart but him… now others have become ‘my dear,’ or other nicknames, with sweetheart being reserved only for him. Because of him (and everyone’s) efforts, she feels motivated and excited to build a new life with him at her side… she couldn’t be happier or more fulfilled with him. Her sweetheart!

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