tl;cr meme

[marriagebroker]

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[embellwish]

That’s why in the week following, she was extra patient with him. Even though at their IHOP date, he was extra quiet and pensive, she didn’t quite mind… she was having fun teasing and doting on him like usual, even if the responses weren’t quite so animated. It was obvious to her that Odile’s words had had a profound effect on him, and it wasn’t lost on her that perhaps he had begun to rethink the nature of their connection, and whether it was even worthwhile. Still, as before, Yingying was more interested in her connection with him personally, than in the likelihood that were matched by the game’s algorithm. So, even if he had started to doubt that they were matched… she still completely intended to keep bothering him, to keep trying to ease the crease in his brow. That had been her intention behind offering him her aid in sleeping – while she couldn’t have known what reservations he might have had regarding the idea, given his past with being sedated and also not finding dreams to be altogether pleasant as they lead a void, her most base motivation was to help him feel better not just physically, but mentally, as well.

Not to the point of twisting his arm, though. Yingying can be extremely assertive, often doing things for others without their input or in spite of their protests. In Yi Sang’s case, though… it was already so rare for him to share his opinion; for him to reiterate his refusal seemed like the issue ran deeper than she could really comprehend at a glance. It’s why she was hesitant to accept it when he suddenly changed his tune, wondering if he was simply trying to do what she wanted without any regard for himself. When the time came for her to actually do it, she would’ve been very watchful for any signs of regret or trepidation… and she would’ve stayed with him until he woke.

The fact there was still so much lurking beneath the surface became more clear than ever when the apparitions appeared; I think she only ever understood Sang Yi to the extent of being an alternate self that Yi Sang used to speak with. A lesser person might have seen the brighter, smiling Yi Sang and been endeared by it, but truthfully… Yingying was a little unnerved by him? Yi Sang seemed so unwilling to talk about him, he quickly changed the subject when she tried to learn more… he was just not the cutieful eeyore she had come to know by those weeks. Not that she was suspicious of him or anything, she just didn’t really see him as “him,” but as a totally separate entity who just happened to look like him.

But since he shifted the focus back onto her, she let it happen because she could sense he wasn’t comfortable talking about whatever was between him and Sang Yi. She was happy to show him her moms anyway, they’re her most precious people… Yingying wasn’t quite as affected as some of the others by the visions; she’d been carting around their souls for so long, has had their imagery in her illusions so many times that seeing them again wasn’t too out of the ordinary. The most bittersweet part was not being able to talk to them, which is why she kept herself and Yi Sang far away from them… I think if she had gotten close and not been able to interact with them, that would have been the thing to make her upset, realizing that they couldn’t even play at being protective over her or fussing.

She was surprised to be asked about her happiness then… as she mentioned to him, she was happy being in the competition and getting to become close with the contestants. But her feelings beyond that were so vague, as he’d soon come to learn. She still couldn’t quite move forward from the past, still stuck in a purgatory of sorts despite the enjoyment she was getting in the competition. It could be said that she was the one wandering around in a futile, distracting respite, only prolonging the inevitable – not Yi Sang, as Odile has implied. He didn’t have to stay there all night with her to watch them, but he did… that was one of the most meaningful things he did forever.

All that only served to further support her thoughts that he had a sensitive soul, and that he truly cared about her. So, she was confident going into the Week 2 ceremony, certain of her feelings and that whether or not Yi Sang felt romantically for her, he had to at least care for her on a sentimental level to have done what he had. That being said, I think she was a little disappointed that he seemed so surprised when she said she would pick him… the sentiment he tried to share, that if she picked him it would be a moment unlike anyone else’s, went over her head somewhat. In her eyes, she took it more as him saying ‘being picked by anyone would be special,’ in a sort of cop-out sense…? Like, he had no complaints about being chosen by her, but did he actually Want to be picked??

But any reservations she might have had about him feeling ambivalent were temporarily eased by what happened after the rager… a part of her didn’t want anyone, let alone him, to see the wisteria in its true form, because Yingying just! Really! Does not want! People worrying about her!!! She’s always waving it off due to her apathy… in a way it was better that Yi Sang didn’t overreact or start showing a ton of dismay or concern for her right away, because that would’ve made her feel uncomfortable. That he would sit by the tree all night wasn’t that surprising – she knew already that he seemed to stay up, and he’d accompanied her with her moms – but the reasoning behind it is what gave her pause… I think she expected something more like curiosity or concern about her health to be the reasons for him sitting there. It’s why him commenting on the beauty of the rotted wisteria took her aback, because even though she knew he had a habit of saying things that might otherwise come off as very romantic and sensitive in the most face value way ever… it was really hard for her to take that any way than to heart. She’s never thought of what’s become of the wisteria as beautiful; it’s been a curse and a horrible “demonic” urban legend for the longest time. That he would find beauty in it still, beauty that she knew was earnestly felt and not just him feeling pity for her… it meant more than she could’ve ever explained. For the first time, she had a hard time accepting his words, because she didn’t think he understood the weight of what he was saying. Even more sincere and moving was the way he had so quietly turned to face where she was entombed in the trunk… the kindness of that gesture, that he would really look at her, whether the barren wisteria or the girl apart from the illusion, broke and won her heart at the same time. It hurt – Yi Sang was so gentle and empathetic, all while still not seeming to see himself as deserving of anything, nor was he even aware that someone might be touched by that kindness. But it made her fall for him, too – there was something fantastical and otherworldly about the earnest grace he had shown her. For a lack of a better term, she took it as overtly romantic, the kind of thing a yearning prince does for an ailing princess in a folktale, even knowing he probably didn’t mean it that way consciously.

All the more reason for her to be honest about her predicament, and her uncertainty for the future. She hadn’t yet acknowledged it to herself, but I think she wanted to be saved by him. Yingying speaks about her time wandering with the malevolent spirits as waiting and wishing for someone to save her, to bring her out of a world where everything around her is falling apart and dying. At this point, she didn’t know how to move forward with her life. But she did know that she didn’t want the woman still entombed in the wisteria to be forgotten… Yi Sang acknowledging her like that was the first step of many in her journey to really wish to live again, to be looked at again for real, the way Yi Sang had done first.

So too did she try to give her honest advice regarding his wings. Compared to the first week, even though he was still struggling along, she still felt he had come a long way in being able to speak his mind. She couldn’t be sure if the results were being carried over with other contestants… but it was a blessing enough that he could communicate his thoughts in however vague and quiet a way to her. If I had to choose a word for the way she felt towards this development… she was really proud of him.

And so! The Big Moment! After what had happened at the wisteria, she was completely convinced of and sure of her feelings. She had the intent and drive to make them known, and to pursue. It was obvious that Yi Sang didn’t have any experience in these matters, but that was okay! She didn’t mind!! And it was obvious to her that he clearly cared for her on a deep level; otherwise, he wouldn’t have made that expression looking at the trunk of the wisteria, wouldn’t have sat there all night while the party raged on. Yingying isn’t the self-deprecating or self-conscious type – she wasn’t thinking of excuses for him to have been sitting there, like “he just simply wanted a quiet place to read,” or something like that. No, after reflection, she could believe he sat there because he had been enchanted by the sight, and was waiting for her to reappear. So, at the ceremony, she wanted to communicate her feelings, to communicate to him that she cared for him. Yi Sang deserved that much, to feel loved and sought after, she thought. She just needed to think of a way to get that across to him in a way he’d understand… so she spent the rest of that day poring over the words she’d choose, balancing it between poetry and directness.

Born from what Yi Sang had told her about the mirror, she likened him to the moon in the sky, the “real” Yi Sang, the one whose beauty influences that in the lake. Of the two, he was the one her eyes were drawn to, alluring and central when compared to a reflection. He was real… and something to be admired. So too was he like autumn, which can be chilly and grey, all while bearing the fruits of the harvest. Everyone could see that Yi Sang was a bit morose; he’s quiet and a poor conversationalist, difficult to understand. But so too did he bear an abundance of gentleness and empathy for everyone. Melancholic, but comforting too, in the sweetness he carried along with him and gave to others. Like the fall! The passage of time is a big theme in Yingying’s lore – of course, the New Year is the most important holiday of all to her, when wishes are made. Yi Sang had explained to her already by this point that he was just trying to walk forward, and that time had seemed to stall… through her words, she wanted to impart to him the idea of looking forward, to making things to look forward to, whether that’s wishes, or connections, or anything else. Even if he feels he is not moving, time moves him along no matter what! So there will always be motion in his life, if he ever feels trapped.

All this, she tried to impart symbolically, thinking it would give him some things to reflect on… Yi Sang is an intellectual and very thoughtful; Yingying felt that he might understand what she was trying to say better if she said it artfully… that he might discover more and more what she had meant over time. The only part of it she kept direct was the part about her romantic feelings, which she figured he wouldn’t even pick up on unless she spelled it out for him… thus, “my heart fluttered underneath the wisteria with you,” and asking him to not leave her side. His response was cute, indicative of the very thing she’d been explaining – that he can be oblivious to hidden romantic/spicy meanings to his words – and she was happy and fond that he accepted what she said. No matching wasn’t too big a deal to her either – her feelings were strong enough and went beyond the confines of the competition.

After the ceremony, too, when he did his usual thing of not thinking much of himself, she decided to ramp up the teasing, kissing him again while leaving just enough room to try to keep him wanting. She felt confident at this point – that he probably felt something for her, though he might not understand it yet. Her plan from then on was to keep almost kissing him, almost coming on to him, until he worked up the courage to kiss her first or to make an advance on her.