tl;cr meme

[marriagebroker]

post your character, people reply, give them the deets. you know how this goes.

Comments

[suibian]

please...............

[poans]

Yi Sang enters, prepared to spill his entrails in the event his stomach is carved open. If such is to be his fate, then so be it. I forgot how raw his thoughts were when he first arrived. 🤡 They sound so dramatic, but were genuine . . . Despite his voluntary participation in the game, he had misgivings about it due to the violent nature of the City where people are killed simply for walking the streets at the wrong time. Having said that, he would've been okay paying for his naivety on set if it turned out to be a sham, because at his canon point he was of the mind that death would be the easier, more restful option than living.

As for Wei Wuxian, he was "the Overseer" until the end of the game. This was by Yi Sang's design, as he intended to maintain a professional distance—not because of any sort of antipathy, but because he couldn't bring himself to care for something more. It was also how he acknowledged Wei Wuxian's authority, and he generally obliged whenever he was advised to do something by construing it as a command from someone of a higher station. Hence, he took a bath as told and didn't even entertain the idea of a shower.

His overall behavior here was awkward and stilted as the result of his "taxidermied" background, where he was stripped of agency by his sloth and those around him. He was at his lowest point, but he wasn't necessarily out of his mind so much as he was just gloomy. Being provided a warm bath and a fresh set of clothes with slippers were the kindest gestures he'd received in a while; despite his present apathy, this would pay off in the long run as Yi Sang perceived the considerate intentions behind Wei Wuxian's actions from the start, and he's nothing if not observant.

Now we get to the Q & A bits! Yi Sang came in with the very specific mindset of asking himself, "Am I [still] a nothing?" His bland answers throughout their first encounter largely traced back to this and his belief that his time in detention at the "white square" was just an adjunct due to how long he spent it in a drugged haze, so there was nothing worth discussing in his mind. He generally refused to give substance to questions about his feelings, because they were too abstract for him to grasp and he was so numbed that he couldn't feel much of anything anyway. There was a void in his chest incapable of holding onto anything, including pain. He was a husk, shambling toward anything that was remotely warm in search of comfort, which was why he joined the game. He understood the premise of it, but wasn't really there for the romance or the wish so much as literally anything that might grow hope in him, because he had nothing, nobody, and no reason to feel joy.

At his core, Yi Sang is faint-hearted and sensitive to where he deeply dislikes choosing between people. This in tandem with his recent stint at the white square rendered him incapable of formulating ideas on what he wanted out of a match. He couldn't even grow excitement at the prospect of a destined partner, because a given moment was fleeting and therefore pointless. He wanted to reclaim joy so much that it was killing him from the inside out, but there was this cognitive wall that prevented him from so much as glimpsing it. In reality, he does have preferences: He deplores exploitative behavior, but he couldn't be bothered. It had already happened and he was tired.

Truly, this was the interview of Wei Wuxian asking loaded questions . . . The reason Yi Sang even thought himself qualified for the game was because all of his friendships had ended in shambles. He was inexperienced in romance, but the League had fallen apart long before the explosion as the result of poor interpersonal skills from all sides, himself included. He wasn't too self-aware of this at the time, but after Gubo's betrayal he understood that something had gone gravely wrong. On the topic of what he looks for in a friend, there was resistance to the idea that he was looking, because that implied a level of deliberation he just didn't have. The happiness he'd once known had gone with the League, and he now wandered aimlessly, hoping to stumble into something worthwhile, which was why Wei Wuxian's declaration that he needed someone who could force emotions was met with sincere curiosity. Only, he couldn't get over the hurdle of embracing something that would fade in a matter of moments. He didn't want to walk in an endless circle of loss while his feet bled, so he internalized this poorly on their first meeting—but, as he matured and reflected over the weeks, he came to find the wisdom in those words.

Their dynamic was more or less like this, where Wei Wuxian would push and Yi Sang would receive what he was given with despondency.

The end of the first week was where he started really seeing Wei Wuxian's kindness. Their initial meeting had consisted largely of comments about not disturbing the other participants, but this time there was a concentrated focus on Yi Sang's well-being. Intellectually and emotionally, he understood what that meant, though he disagreed that Odile had caused any friction despite having been essentially triggered by her remarks. He'd been slowly getting swept up in the fragrance of tentatively budding emotions, but the idea of walking incessantly with only the occasional rest spots for relief, compounded with what Wei Wuxian had told him about the neverending journey, instilled a deep sense of hopelessness in Yi Sang, whose worst fear as submitted in the survey was "eternal futility in ephemerality."

It had always been a struggle for Yi Sang to express himself. He was very much a stream of consciousness narrator, and his mind was so riddled with metaphorical sentimentality that either everyone had a difficult time following him or he'd fail to come up with the words in the first place. His failure to convey to Wei Wuxian the place he was looking for was yet another reminder of his endless struggles, and he was discouraged to the point of sliding into his bad habit of falling into apathy to the detriment of others.

But wait, you say! Wasn't it stated earlier that Yi Sang is not looking, but wandering? Indeed, the thread of hope is so thin that it's a battle to find himself believing in it. It seems probable to him that, rather than looking, he's just walking blindly.

But back to the interview, where Wei Wuxian rightly called out the selfishness of Yi Sang's words. Yi Sang knew it, too. He's a bleeding heart; it distresses him when people are hurt, and is the biggest contributor to his timidity in the City where it's impossible to exist without harming somebody. But as he felt powerless and hopeless after the ceremony, he defaulted to doing as Wei Wuxian bade him for next week. Essentially, he took the latter's suggestion as "don't inconvenience others," which was reasonable as he's naturally considerate and reticent when it comes to his own discomfort. In other words, there was no reason to contest the order, which did help in making him a little more active during dates. Putting aside the debate of how sound the advice actually was, Yi Sang ended up reaping the benefits in the long term.

As an aside, he didn't enjoy the apparitions. He didn't like seeing his left-handed self trapped in an illusory cycle like a caged bird; however, he also saw how their collective presence helped those who were grieving like Shoko, so he saw the good in them, too.

By the end of the second week, he was cruising as was typical for him, albeit as a slightly less inert sack! He was still not feeling great, but he was somewhere closer to his baseline on arrival as opposed to his extreme low earlier at the start of the week. Coming out of isolation from the white square, he was healing little by little simply by being around well-intentioned peers. He was also making massive strides with certain individuals like Yingying, to whom he could relate more than ever before, and that much closer to breaking through the surface of the water for it. In other words, because he was slowly growing out of his self-absorption to invest in others, combined with his nature as a researcher, the blackout didn't bother him in the slightest.

Failure is another step of the process in science. The answer can eventually be sussed out through enough trial and error. And though he was originally somewhat enticed by the prospect of a destined partner, by this point such a concept didn't matter before the connections he was bridging. His fondness for Yingying wasn't contingent on their being a match, and romance had never been a point of interest for him. He's a hobbyist with a literary mind; activities like courtship are so far from his train of thought that Wei Wuxian's approach honestly blindsided him. All he wanted was for Yingying to find peace and happiness. He wanted her to bloom, even if he himself might never fly again.

And because romantic love or feelings of like-like were so alien to him, Wei Wuxian's description of the heart racing, flushed face, light of breath was completely lost on him. He only feels those things when he's panicking, so he was confused. They were in the same building on different floors. But worry not, Wei Wuxian, for like all things discussed prior, the prophecy fulfills itself in roundabout ways!

Finally, the third week was where their dynamic shifted considerably. Yi Sang achieved his enlightenment, and he came in with a fresh frame of mind and the desire to repay Wei Wuxian for his kindness over the weeks. It was a shame that it had taken so long for him to try bonding, but he was grateful to have the chance at all. He truly enjoyed what Wei Wuxian had to say about his husband and his life at home. Lan Wangji sounded ideal; their love was ideal; and even the idea of traveling, assisting those in need, and retiring to a quiet scenery was poetically ideal. There's nothing Yi Sang hates more than taking from others, so a romantic tale like this moved his heart. Finally, he admitted to his high opinion of Wei Wuxian, which had been there, even if as a seedling, all along. In the process, he also demonstrated how he'd changed his approach to Wei Wuxian's previous suggestions in ways that were healthier and more fulfilling. After this, he began to refer to him by name in discussions with others as the sign of an open heart.

In summation, Yi Sang is immensely thankful to Wei Wuxian and wishes him nothing but the best. That's his precious Overseer. He'll definitely keep him apprised of current events, and hopes to hear from Wei Wuxian in turn.

Sorry for the unholy mess.

[suibian]

WAH THIS IS SO SWEET..... their journey was such an interesting one and Wei Wuxian truly wanted the best for him. He's so glad he was able to achieve it in the end and would be baffled to realize he did have a hand in helping him get there.

;;;;;;; he will absolutely keep in touch with Yi Sang now, for sure.