[. . . and yet, a tiny li'l grin makes its way onto Edamura's features, exasperated yet still full of affection. of course that's where Rom's mind had gone. ever clinical, ever observant. . . ever focused on the goal ahead]
[. . .]
You wanna know why I was nervous?
[he asks, tone light as he continues to allow himself the opportunity to trace the lines of his companion's features. just idle! no real purpose, other than it feels nice to just. . . touch]
[ He gives a quiet hum in thought, and when Edamura's hand next feathers its way up his jawline, he shifts a little to better tuck his cheekbone against Edamura's palm. It feels nice. ]
Mm? You were nervous as well? It didn't even occur to me, what with your iron-clad composure.
[giving him a LOOK!! then a sharp exhale that edges on being an exasperated (pos) sigh]
I was nervous because I had just chosen to stand in front of a small crowd and tell this really sleazy salesman-- who had kind of been a pain in my neck-- that I actually really liked him.
[said simply. matter-of-fact. eyes slipping shut so he doesn't have to watch the way Rom reacts (because it might make him even more nervous), even as he lifts his hand from his companion's cheek to. . . gently flick his forehead]
. . . in so many words.
[in many words, actually, but that is neither here nor there]
-- it's not like he's never heard that word directed at himself. 'Like.' But it's always been different -- coming from fans who've only ever seen that deliberately-constructed facade of his, an incidental 'like' bought with showmanship and flair. This, though ... it's scary just how much those simple words squeeze around his heart.
Positioned like this, Edamura might feel the way Rom's chest rises with a short, halting breath. Then abruptly, he murmurs, ]
Excuse me.
[ Just as abruptly, he sits up a little. Just enough that he can properly wrap both arms around Edamura and hug him close, close. Even then the movement is gentle, but it's insistent, as is the way he noses against the crown of Edamura's head. There's the rise and fall of his chest with another deep breath; his words come low, whispered right against the soft strands of Edamura's hair. ]
[the movement is so sudden that Edamura has no choice but to go with it. to be propped up as arms glide around his shoulders, squeezing him impossibly close, face suddenly tucked to chest. from this proximity, he can hear the gentle thrum of Rom's heart beating against his cheek, and any surprised noise that may have threatened to spring to life immediately dies in the back of his throat. whatever he had expected from that simple, easy, completely nonchalant tidbit of honesty. . . it wasn't this]
[. . .]
[. . . though he doesn't mind this. likes it, even. it's a marvel, how impactful such a simple gesture can be. not dissimilar to the effect that gentle thumb roaming across his knuckles had been. is he truly this starved for affection? or is it just--]
[-- no. it's not that he's desperate. it's just the person he's here with]
[another small huff, but Edamura snakes his own arms around Rom's back, linking fingers together at the bottom. his hold is much looser, but no less affectionate as a tiny, breathless laugh tumbles from his lips]
[ Edamura's presence is so warm like this, comforting and solid. 'Just a moment' doesn't feel anywhere near enough. Rom only gives a vague hum in response at first as he noses into the strands of Edamura's hair, trying to write every tactile sensation of this moment into his memories, and it's only after another slow breath, the a second, before he speaks again. ]
... I was nervous you'd change your mind.
[ His voice is a far cry from usual like this. None of his usual showmanship and casual drawn, just a quiet mumble.
Rom squeezes just a little tighter. ]
I'm used to having contingencies for everything. Back-up plans, second options, just in case, no matter what. ... but I didn't want to come up with one for that. For if you changed your mind, even if it would have been a reasonable choice you could have made. Even as you were going up on stage, I couldn't think of anything else.
[. . . honestly. he can't even be offended. the nature of their work differs, but the fleeting nature of their lives-- the way things change at the drop of a hat, people drifting in and out of their physical spheres, leaving nothing but a wisp of a memory behind-- is. . . similar]
Nah. There was never a chance of that happening.
[even if someone had come up to him after their conversation on the porch and told him-- point blank-- that they knew for certain his show-assigned "perfect match" was someone else. as if to punctuate that point, he glides his palm up Rom's back again, until fingers find fluffy black locks that he can ruffle]
There are lots of reasons for that. But I guess the second most important one is--
[he grins, though his smile stays pressed warmly against the soothing rhythm of Rom's heart]
-- it's one of the first choices I've ever gotten to make on my own terms. With no one pushing me in one direction or another.
[not even Ringo's math]
. . . so it was pretty nice of you to let me have it.
[that's the second most important reason. the most important one is, of course, what he feels deep in the recesses of his own heart]
no subject
[. . . and yet, a tiny li'l grin makes its way onto Edamura's features, exasperated yet still full of affection. of course that's where Rom's mind had gone. ever clinical, ever observant. . . ever focused on the goal ahead]
[. . .]
You wanna know why I was nervous?
[he asks, tone light as he continues to allow himself the opportunity to trace the lines of his companion's features. just idle! no real purpose, other than it feels nice to just. . . touch]
no subject
Mm? You were nervous as well? It didn't even occur to me, what with your iron-clad composure.
[ Teasing, he's just teasing. ]
Why was it?
no subject
I was nervous because I had just chosen to stand in front of a small crowd and tell this really sleazy salesman-- who had kind of been a pain in my neck-- that I actually really liked him.
[said simply. matter-of-fact. eyes slipping shut so he doesn't have to watch the way Rom reacts (because it might make him even more nervous), even as he lifts his hand from his companion's cheek to. . . gently flick his forehead]
. . . in so many words.
[in many words, actually, but that is neither here nor there]
no subject
-- it's not like he's never heard that word directed at himself. 'Like.' But it's always been different -- coming from fans who've only ever seen that deliberately-constructed facade of his, an incidental 'like' bought with showmanship and flair. This, though ... it's scary just how much those simple words squeeze around his heart.
Positioned like this, Edamura might feel the way Rom's chest rises with a short, halting breath. Then abruptly, he murmurs, ]
Excuse me.
[ Just as abruptly, he sits up a little. Just enough that he can properly wrap both arms around Edamura and hug him close, close. Even then the movement is gentle, but it's insistent, as is the way he noses against the crown of Edamura's head. There's the rise and fall of his chest with another deep breath; his words come low, whispered right against the soft strands of Edamura's hair. ]
If you'll give me just a moment longer, please.
no subject
[the movement is so sudden that Edamura has no choice but to go with it. to be propped up as arms glide around his shoulders, squeezing him impossibly close, face suddenly tucked to chest. from this proximity, he can hear the gentle thrum of Rom's heart beating against his cheek, and any surprised noise that may have threatened to spring to life immediately dies in the back of his throat. whatever he had expected from that simple, easy, completely nonchalant tidbit of honesty. . . it wasn't this]
[. . .]
[. . . though he doesn't mind this. likes it, even. it's a marvel, how impactful such a simple gesture can be. not dissimilar to the effect that gentle thumb roaming across his knuckles had been. is he truly this starved for affection? or is it just--]
[-- no. it's not that he's desperate. it's just the person he's here with]
[another small huff, but Edamura snakes his own arms around Rom's back, linking fingers together at the bottom. his hold is much looser, but no less affectionate as a tiny, breathless laugh tumbles from his lips]
Sure. . . take as many as you want.
. . . sap.
[SAYS THIS GUY!!!]
no subject
... I was nervous you'd change your mind.
[ His voice is a far cry from usual like this. None of his usual showmanship and casual drawn, just a quiet mumble.
Rom squeezes just a little tighter. ]
I'm used to having contingencies for everything. Back-up plans, second options, just in case, no matter what. ... but I didn't want to come up with one for that. For if you changed your mind, even if it would have been a reasonable choice you could have made. Even as you were going up on stage, I couldn't think of anything else.
no subject
Nah. There was never a chance of that happening.
[even if someone had come up to him after their conversation on the porch and told him-- point blank-- that they knew for certain his show-assigned "perfect match" was someone else. as if to punctuate that point, he glides his palm up Rom's back again, until fingers find fluffy black locks that he can ruffle]
There are lots of reasons for that. But I guess the second most important one is--
[he grins, though his smile stays pressed warmly against the soothing rhythm of Rom's heart]
-- it's one of the first choices I've ever gotten to make on my own terms. With no one pushing me in one direction or another.
[not even Ringo's math]
. . . so it was pretty nice of you to let me have it.
[that's the second most important reason. the most important one is, of course, what he feels deep in the recesses of his own heart]