perfectmatch | week four

[ As requested, he keeps his hands there for a little longer -- thumbs idly brushing against Edamura's cheeks as he listens, the small calluses and scars at his fingertips rough against the smoother surface of his skin.

... only a small part of him, huh.

Rom gives a soft exhale before leaning forward to nose against Edamura's hair for a moment. A little nuzzle in reassurance before he lets go so he can lean back against the counter once more. ]

That would be normal, I think. The desire to see him punished for wronging you and your mother. Anger and resentment aren't harmful on their own, you know? It's only when one is devoured by those emotions that it becomes a problem. And I still stand by what I said before -- that your mother was fortunate to have a son like you, who wouldn't cross that final line, but would still be righteously angry in her stead.

[ He glances aside, hands loosely laced in thought. ]

... it's a terrible thing your father did to your family, after all. I can imagine how painful it must have been.

[sorry give him like .5 seconds mid-emotional conversation to be extremely gay about the way those fingers feel- rough and rugged— against smooth skin]

[ANYWAY]

[there is a part of him that feels bereft when Rom pulls away. . . and yet another part of him that can hold itself a little lighter, now that those words have been spoken aloud. he has never told anyone how he felt in that moment, has he. . . ? how terrified and furious and hurt and raw it had been. gods]

[a small exhale, and finally he reached for the French press again to push the plunger down, freeing the freshly brewed liquid from the coffee grinds]

I don't know if that's true. But. . . thanks.

[for saying it]

. . . anyway! That incident had been part of the asshole's revenge plan from the very beginning. Giving me an opportunity to. . . [a pause] . . . turn myself into a— monster, in order to gain the trust of the one much bigger than me: the director herself.

[dryly, with a tiny hint of bitterness, though he tries to keep it light]

He sure as shit didn't find the time to tell me beforehand, though. Did you know? Adapting on the fly sucks!

[ Demanding an immediate demonstration of the French press really had been about giving Edamura a familiar task to focus on to ground his thoughts once more, but maybe it wasn't a bad idea in general. The smell of freshly-brewed coffee fills the air as Edamura pushes the plunger down -- it's soothing.

Rom permits himself a moment to luxuriate in it before giving a low laugh. ]

Aahh -- maybe I can guess at what his reasoning for it was? Something like -- 'not telling you results in a more genuine act. It was worth it. And I knew you'd be able to pull it off.'

[ Scummy. But also -- the sort of thing he'd do himself, if necessary. He isn't beyond manipulating people a little bit for a good cause, after all. ]

Perhaps you can take it as a compliment, at least. Even if it was cruel.

[bluntly]

I think he just didn't trust me.

[. . . which kind of stings when it thinks about it. not as badly as it had stung in the moment-- especially not now, considering how the con had ended with him pulling the wool over his father's eyes for a change-- but still]

. . . but whatever. It's. . . over now.

[with the coffee made, Edamura pours two fresh mugs, sliding one towards Rom as he leans over the counter again]

[ oof.

Rom blinks as he picks up one of the cups, though he doesn't drink from it yet. Just holds it cupped in his hands for a moment, head canted in thought as he regards Edamura.

He's not even being intentionally glib when he asks, plainly: ]

Would it have really brought you comfort if he did trust you? ... he doesn't sound like the sort of person most would want to be trusted by.

[. . . that sure is an angle that Edamura has never considered]

[he pauses, gaze flickering down towards his own mug, eyes locked on the murky surface of the warm liquid. fingers curl into fists against the counter, before he exhales a sharp breath]

. . . I don't know.

[quiet. a bit painfully]

. . . maybe.

[ Silently, he wonders if that's just because the man is his father. The quiet hunger for approval from a father figure, no matter how grimy the circumstances might be. Unfortunately, if that's the case, he has zero reference points from which to speak.

Frustrating. He wishes he could help more.

Instead, he has to settle for giving Edamura a little nudge to the side -- gentle, to avoid spilling his coffee. ]

That's still just one man's evaluation of you. Even if you do still wish for it ... I hope you won't forget that there are plenty of other people who do trust you.

[the gentle nudge draws Edamura's gaze up again. for a moment, he is silent, allowing himself time to absorb those words. to let them permeate through his bitter thoughts, tunneling through to the other side where something. . . a little less hurt, a little less painful, exists]

[. . . and then he slings an arm around Rom's shoulders, rocking into him with nearly the full force of his body weight, open and affectionate. he is being mindful of the coffee!!]

You're a nice guy, Rom.

[listening. offering counsel. carrying that baggage just as promised, even if it's heavy]

If it helps. . . ! I got my revenge on the asshole a few months after that. Nothing violent, but—

[a small huff as he settles]

. . . despite everything, he and I are a bit more even now.

[he has yet to forgive. but at the very least. . . he is more capable of it now than he was before]

[ Wah ... the coffee ... As usual, Rom permits the manhandling without protest, other than gripping his coffee cup a little more firmly to prevent it from sloshing. It'd be a waste to spill any of it.

And while he can tell this matter has hardly been resolved ... that's fine. He knows these things take time. They can talk about it more later, if need be. So long as Edamura's able to feel more grounded in the moment, that's enough.

He settles for giving a low laugh before leaning in, his delivery a familiar, annoying sing-song: ]

Reaaaaally, Makoto-san? I don't know ... I can only imagine what kind of brutal revenge you took on the poor man, given how uncontrollable your violent tendencies are.

[ Haha. As if. ]

[it's true. the matter isn't even close to being resolved. there's so much more to the story than what Edamura has touched upon. how it felt, being so deeply undercover for so, so long, twisting himself into something dark and angry and inhuman and unrecognizable. . . all for the chance to gut the real monster from the inside out. lying to her, to himself, to his crew, to his father. . . just to make it through to the very end]

[but that is a story for another day. when he can tell Rom every piece of it, without the cameras watching them. form start to finish. no detail left unsaid]

[FOR NOW. . . Edamura's features grow slack as he gives Rom a flat, pinched look]

[and then promptly shoves a hand into his face]

I can show you violent if you really want me to. . . !

[ The thought occurs to him that they could just go to that room-which-must-not-be-named again?

-- but no. It would be better to take their time unraveling all that later, away from the threat of cameras, and the threat of getting the floor pulled out from under them to drop them in a cave. And ... it'd be nice to have something to look forward to like that.

So for the moment, Rom just laughs even as that hand shoves in his face. A nice, familiar return to form(?). ]

Oh no, help ... [ Said completely deadpan. ] What's a poor exorcist to do before the might of a vicious corporate slave? How scary~

[THEY COULD, EDAMURA WOULD NOT SAY NO!!]

[but at any rate. . . what little he has offloaded seems to have helped. his mood certainly is a lot lighter! and the roughhousing is a familiar song-and-dance that helps ground him even more than using the French press had. he even follows it up with another jab of his elbow into Rom's ribs-- gently, of course-- before returning to his coffee with a self-satisfied smirk]

Just die, I guess.

[WOW, CRUEL???]

. . . but I think this means it's your turn.

[ Even the elbow to the side is only met with a huffed exhale, almost a laugh. ]

How harsh ... what will you do if I come back to haunt you after death, Makoto-san? You'd be at the complete mercy of a ghost that knows you're helpless, you know?

[ ... he won't belabor the point, though. Rom takes a sip of his coffee with that said, letting the cup warm his palms. And after a moment of consideration, he speaks lightly: ]

I'm sure you could hazard a good guess at which one mine was.

[affixes Rom with another Look (TM) at that, but he lets the joke die there. mostly because he has to take a moment and recollect each secret that isn't his own. most of them have leaked out of his brain already, but. . .]

[. . .]

. . . if it's the one about your parents abandoning you as a kid, then I'm going to feel a little crappy for complaining about my dad.

[ That earns an owlish blink. ]

Mm? They're completely different matters, though. There's no reason for you to feel bad.

[ Soft confirmation that yes, that one was his. Another small sip of coffee, letting that delicate scent and taste permeate his senses; Edamura really does know how to brew a good cup. His delivery remains casual: ]

I was young enough that I don't have very many memories of my parents. So it's rather different from being in conflict with someone who raised you.

[nnnngh. . . it's true, they are two entirely separate matters. and yet, Edamura can't help the small pang of guilt he feels twisting in his stomach. sure, his dad was a capital-B Bastard, but. . . he at least had his mom]

[. . .]

Maybe. . . [. . .]

[no. he doesn't know what to say, here. what do you say to a man who never knew his parents because they never wanted him? so instead, he just. . . leans. rocks to the side until their shoulders are pressed together, lingering in that contact as he finally lifts his own mug for a sip of his freshly made brew]

. . . sorry that happened to you.

[ He glances over when he feels that gentle bump against his shoulder, the warmth pressed up against his side. And while he does lean into it, allowing that tactile sensation to soothe the strange, jittery sensation simmering in his gut ... his gaze is fixed down at the shimmering surface of the coffee cup in his hands. ]

There's nothing you need to apologize for.

[ Huh. Come to think of it, he's never talked about this with anyone. There's the quiet squeak of skin against ceramic as he rubs his fingers against the cup's side, thinking. ]

... my parents were normal people. Not spiritually sensitive in the least. I was the anomaly. [ When he speaks again, it's a little quieter, a little distant. ] I remember overhearing my mother talking to my father. Saying she felt like she was going to lose her mind because of me. ... they were never meant to take on the sort of burden I put on them.

Edited 2025-06-27 01:51 (UTC)

[NNNNNNNNGH]

You aren't a burden.

[his grip tightens around his mug, then loosens again as he fights back the wave of indignation that boils in his gut]

Maybe they couldn't. . . handle it. But you know what? That's their shitty problem. Not yours. So don't. . . call yourself a burden.

[he doesn't know why the mere thought pisses him off so much, but. . . it does. a burden. as if someone like Rom-- so willing to put himself in danger to help others, to isolate himself from humanity in order to carry out his work-- could be a burden. if that's truly what his parents thought, then. . . it's no wonder that Rom thought himself unsuitable for a game such as this one. even though Edamura thinks that's wrong, too]

[ Mm. He hadn't even meant that in a self-pitying fashion -- simply as a statement of facts. Normal people aren't built to tolerate the idiosyncrasies of those with spiritual sensitivity, hence it had been an objective burden. But even so, he can hear the indignity in Edamura's voice.

It's kind of him. The sort of kindness he never thought he'd receive from a regular human being.

Rom smiles to himself before gently nudging Edamura's side. ]

I know how it sounds, but my childhood wasn't too bad, you know. My Master always acts tough, but she's an endlessly kind woman and I'd like to think she raised me well. ... Towako-san gave me the chance at a proper life by putting me in her care, and I'll always be grateful for it.

Edited 2025-06-27 04:26 (UTC)

[. . . that heads off his next question. whether Rom's master and her mentor were the ones to take him in, after his parents had left him. it eases his anger somewhat, to know that at least someone was there to pick up where biological imperative had left off]

[. . .]

So. . . what was it like? Growing up with your Master. And I know Towako-san was with you for a while too, before. . .

[he remembers how that story goes]

Towako-san was the one who rescued me, but I didn't actually stay with her. She was famous on television, so she was often traveling -- Master Mitsue was the one who took me in upon Towako-san's request.

[ His responsibility for Towako's death will always haunt him, but at least he'd been given enough closure on the matter that he can speak of her like this without issue. Rom nurses his coffee in small sips between the placid explanation. ]

She taught me all of the basics -- what tools to use, when to act and when to feign blind, what to say and how to act. Her methods are a little old-fashioned, but they were more than enough to get me started down my path. Ah, and she gave me my name! It's tradition for a Master to grant their apprentice a working name, you see.

[he is pretty pleased to see Rom talking about Towako so openly, with something other than guilt in his voice. it looks like he doesn't have to worry about that either, does he. . .?]

[a tiny li'l grin]

Which name? "Shindou Rom" or "Enigma Syndrome?" The second one could use a bit of work--

[A PLAYFUL JIBE]

[ HIDOI ...... Feigning more hurt than he really is: ]

How harsh ... It took me a while to come up with an online identity that worked for my purposes while still paying tribute to the name she gave me, you know?

[ But after another slow sip of coffee, ]

... I don't have much attachment to my legal identity. Things like my original surname and my actual age -- I lost them with my parents, and what's there now is just for the sake of paperwork. The name she gave me is the only one that matters.

[a cheeky li'l grin, but it softens almost immediately afterwards]

It must feel weird, to not even know how old you really are.

[what did his profile say. . . ? around 30?]

But. . . I think you've got the right attitude. Hanging on to something given to you by someone who actually matters. [and not the people who had chosen to abandon him] For what it's worth. . .

. . . I really like the identity you've forged for yourself now.

week four | mingle

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